6.25.2010

catch up aka way too personal blog entry.

way back when
i like to sit on top of him.

so i thought i would catch some of you up on whats going on in my life.

I am working as a student graphic designer for The Man. You know, the man who you pay your taxes to. I got a new desk, I work for two departments, I've been kicking ass and getting work done!

I am rethinking my school options. Im not convinced PNCA is the right school for me. I dont hate it, I just dont love it. I wanted to LOVE art school so bad. Im signed up for fall classes, so we'll see what happens. I know that going to another school would mean retaking classes to fit their circiculum and I wont graduate in 3 semesters, but going to a school I really like is worth that, right? Especially if it's not at a private school price tag.

picnic
summer time loves.

Now lemme tell you about this boy in my life. B. He's hella fine, kickass, super cool. And by that, I mean he is a huge quirky nerd. We met at a party at the Berry Farm(yes a literal berry farm that an old friends dad owns). It was June 2007, I had just been dumped earlier that day, thanks AJ. B had long hair, scruffy face, and was quiet for the most part of the night. Anyway, I grabbed his hand, and we ran through the raspberries rows, fast, in limited clothing. I was his first kiss. Ever.

brandon
The night I met him.

That summer was amazing. I cut his hair off, literally with my scissors, I cleaned him up, got him into boyfriend shape. But I didnt want a relationship, I tried to pass him off to my other girlfriends. He always came back to me. We sharred our love for the outdoors, star wars, and stories about childhood adventures. Spent everyday with eachother. We soon learned everything about eachother. We made future plans, named kids, picked out a dog. and then it hit me. I am in a relationship with a man I love. crap. Pretty sure I broke up with him every month for ever. What is a girl to do when she is so scared to committ? We always waited a couple of days and everything would be fine.

one year
Our one year.

Then September of 2009 came. I moved, new state, new apartment, new school, new life and then GP passed away. Breakdown. Complete breakdown. I ended the relationship. I ran, fast and far. until I hit a void. I was dating other people, I was having fun living the single life downtown portland. I had it all. I missed B. I would call, he wouldnt answer. I would email, he wouldnt respond. Finally in mid April I emailed him for closure. I wrote a novel and decided to only send about 3 sentences of it. He came to my apartment. I said what I needed to say and he stayed. looking at me, hadnt seen eachother in 6 months. After a weird awkward stumbling night he left in a super hurry in the morning. Then texted me "i am still in love with you." Now Im a cool cat and im sure I came off that way. NOT. I was finally ready to let go and he still loved me? What did I just do.

brandon in my apron he made me
Apron he made me.

Fast forward to now. Late June, its been two months. His hair is long again, his face scruffy. He's the man i met at the berry farm. I love him more than I can tell you. He moved 6 hours away for school in September. I know that doesnt seem far, but I dont drive. He'll be gone. Away, not here. I need here. IM NEEDY. Ugh.
art student annual
I like to make art with the ones i love.

We are doing our best to keep our heads up.

baseball
baseball game.

We missed eachothers birthdays over winter, July 1st Marks his half birthday, Im planning on making it special. We'll see how well these plans come off. I'll post pictures of it all works out.

Sorry about the way to personal blog entry.

1 comment:

Missy said...

.Beautiful.