No, not the big change. Just a big change.
Brandon left this morning for school. I helped him do laundry and pack his car last night. I wanted to curl up and hide inside. I wanted to go with so bad. I didn't want him to leave. Because this is a big life change.... again.
Remember a year ago when I moved 'away' to school. Granted it was only 15 minutes away, it was still away... out of state... still starting a new chapter in my life. So much happened at that time I didnt know how to handle it all and I decided that I couldn't. That was also a big change. Those feelings I saw in his eyes when I left him, for reasons other than school, I feel those now. I feel so horrible for making him feel so horrible. Only now do i understand the sheer amount of pain that I put him through.
Knowing that he's not in driving distance makes my stomach turn. He wont come over after class, he cant spend the weekends with me. We can skype, although its poor quality and there's always the phone. But waking up this morning, there was a chill in the air and it made me miss him even more.