Story Time, part II


So I used to sale handmade canvas totes on myspace. It was far before I knew what etsy was.... Wait... I'm not sure etsy existed at that time. Anyway I would embroider mice and owls onto them. Yeah... they were cute.. just sayin'. Well this guy, Pnutt, found me on myspace and emailed me saying he wanted to buy one of my totes for his friends birthday. We talked for a bit online and I met up with him to exchange the money/bag. Except when I met him, he was quirky as fuck. No better way to put it. He was wearing a vintage black and white tiki hawaiian shirt, wide cuffed pants and as much of a pompadour as he could. Umm... Hi, I think you are cute. Ok, I didnt say that. But I might of well had.

Instead I asked him if he wanted to try my ice tea, he did. He told me he liked it, I think he lied. After exchanging awkward moment smiles for a while, we walked around the park across from where we met at. Ummm... yeah, hear that mom? I used to meet boys off the internet at starbucks and then walk around parks with them. UHHHH HELLO. I AM GOING TO RAISE BUBBLE KIDS WHO WILL WEAR A LEASH UNTIL THEY ARE 30. Just sayin.

So we walked and talked for hours. Then, it got kind of dark outside and I had to take the bus back home. He offered to drive me home... I accepted. Lets be honest, its a miracle I am not dead. I get into cars with strangers. WTF. Lesson learned. Kind of. So he drove me a block away from my parents house. Because duh, I didnt tell my parents I got a ride from him. I lied. I walked a block home.

We sat in his car and he played the Violent Femmes for me. I knew blister in the sun, who doesnt? He sang along, he danced, he had me smitten. He was soooo nerdy. He was a Dungeon Master. He had catbus hanging from his rearview mirror. And I loved all of it. After about an hour more of listening to different albums and making cute faces at each other, I had to go. He gave me his Violent Femmes cd... you know so he had a good reason to see me again.

We dated for 9 months. It was a lot of fun. A LOT OF FUN. He was amazing, he treated me like a princess and he raised the bar for men. Thank you Pnutt. For showing me that I am worth crazy long drives in traffic after you worked an 8 hour manual labor shift. Thanks for celebrating every month's anniversary like it was our 50th year. Thanks for introducing me to all your friends because you thought I was the hottest girl alive and you wanted everyone to know I was with you. Thanks for making the beach one of my favorite places. Thanks for the flowers, the jewelry, the endless love you showed for me.

It kind of makes me feel bad...

That I still have your cd.

Oh and youre welcome for having impossible standards and breaking up with you. I am sure you wouldnt have had it any other way... since you met your wife less than a week later.